The Leadership Move That Separates Female Winners from Wannabes

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I just had Betsy Myers on my podcast, and she told me a story that will make your blood boil.

Two people going for partnership at Deloitte. One male, one female.

She was extraordinary at her work. Dotted every I, crossed every T, delivered flawless results consistently.

He was personable, networked with every partner, learned golf, and did solid B-level work.

When partnership time came, they chose him.

Her response? "How could you do that? Look at my work product versus his."

Their answer? "We can't advocate for you, we don't know you."

Most female leaders are doomed from day one

Most women climb the ladder based on merit and performance.

They're thinking about deliverables when they should be thinking about relationships.

Betsy dropped this reality bomb: "Leadership is relationships. You have to step back and say, who needs to know me? Who needs to know what I'm doing?"

While men are building strategic alliances and working the room, women are perfecting their work in isolation.

"That old thing that women do—if I work hard enough, someone's going to notice—it's bad old thinking," Betsy explained.

Think about it. When was the last time merit alone got you the promotion, board seat, or opportunity you deserved?

Why authenticity isn't enough

Betsy served as advisor to two U.S. presidents and COO of Obama's presidential campaign.

She knows something about navigating power structures.

"How do you be authentic and strategic?" she asked.

This isn't about being fake or playing politics. It's about ensuring the right people understand your value.

When Betsy worked in the White House, she didn't just advocate for women's issues. She framed everything around how it would help the president win reelection.

"I always knew that the president was going to win by women's vote, so I was always coming with ideas of how my agenda would help him get reelected."

That's strategic authenticity. Being true to your mission while understanding the bigger picture.

The framework that actually works

Betsy's approach breaks down like this:

Map your stakeholders. "Who needs to know me? Who aren't just my superiors? Who are my peers? Who are my strategic alliances?"

Bring value to their agenda. "How do I fit into the bigger picture and what's the value that I'm adding?"

Build advocate relationships. "How can I bring value to what they're doing, so they know what I'm doing to be more collaborative?"

Be visible strategically. Stop hiding behind perfect work. Start showing up in ways that matter.

The brutal reality nobody talks about

Betsy was honest about what advancement actually requires.

"We're all born with a package of gifts and our job is to open that package of gifts to share with the world. But sometimes we get stuck on the sticky floor."

The sticky floor isn't glass ceiling. It's the behaviors that keep your feet stuck to the ground.

"How do you be yourself, but also be strategic about what behaviors you might be doing that keep you from your authentic self?"

Translation? Working harder isn't the answer. Working smarter is.

Why most women plateau

Betsy explained something that hit me hard: "People will get to a certain level on their natural abilities and then they plateau, right? Because you haven't really done the hard work of self-knowledge and self-awareness to say, what's getting in my way?"

Most women plateau because they optimize for the wrong things.

They optimize for:

• Perfect deliverables

• Avoiding office politics

• Keeping their heads down

• Waiting to be noticed

Instead of optimizing for:

• Strategic visibility

• Key relationships

• Value alignment

• Advocate development

The questions that separate winners from wannabes

Before you submit another flawless report, ask yourself this:

Who needs to see this work? Not just your direct manager. Who else should understand the value you're bringing?

What's the bigger picture? How does your work serve the organization's most important goals?

Who would fight for you? If you can't name three people who would advocate for your advancement, that's your problem.

Are you building or hiding? Are you strategically building relationships or hiding behind your work?

The hidden cost calculation

Here's what Betsy's story reveals: Merit without relationships is career suicide.

The real cost isn't working less hard. It's working more strategically.

"You always had to figure out how did my being on whatever team I'm on make their agenda better? You know, how do I fit into the bigger picture and what's the value that I'm adding?"

When you nail this strategic approach? Your expertise finally gets the platform it deserves.

What to do right now

Map your influence network. Who are the three most important people for your career advancement? Do they really know what you do?

Define your strategic value. How does your work serve the organization's biggest priorities?

Schedule strategic conversations. Stop waiting for performance reviews. Start having regular conversations about value and impact.

Support other women. Betsy emphasized "Female Alliance"—how women can support each other to be stronger united than divided.

Get comfortable with visibility. Your work doesn't speak for itself. You have to speak for your work.

The leaders who win aren't necessarily the most qualified. They're the ones who ensure the right people know their qualifications and value.

And the courage to choose strategic relationships over perfect isolation.

Stop perfecting your deliverables in a vacuum. Start building the relationships that will amplify your impact.

Because the brutal truth is this: If the decision-makers don't know you well enough to advocate for you, you're just another talented woman hitting an invisible ceiling.

Time to change that.